The Big Tire Swing: Middleschool Burners AU

In which Slip is a horrible enabler and we talk about flour babies at great length.

Ziek: aaaaaa
Ziek: i love how my au desires flicker from like
Ziek: GRAND EPIC BIBLICAL JOURNEY AFTER ACCIDENTAL GENOCIDE to GRITTY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA WITH AGEBENTS to REALLY DEPRESSING MUTANTS STUCK IN A HOUSE OF HORROR to SPAAACEEE PIIIRAAAATES
Ziek: to
Ziek: ‘man what if there was a promstuck style thing for motorcity’
slip: hahahhaa
Ziek: i just like
Ziek: the mental image of the duke being a shithead highschooler and mike going to him for dating advice and it’s
Ziek: hilarious
slip: hhahahaaa
Ziek: also what if mike in middle school with braces
slip: oh no
Ziek: help me what am i doing

slip: leader of his little gang
Ziek: (i think braces are really cute)
 slip: stoppin bullies
slip: (they aaare)
Ziek: yeAH!!
slip: on their bikes!
Ziek: he has
Ziek: a tricked out bmx
slip: chuck rides on the back of mike’s
slip: yess
Ziek: it’s bright green and he put dog stickers on it
slip: aaw omg
Mikeweh: omg cute
Ziek: has permanently banged elbows and knees
slip: chuck wears a big helmet and shinguards and elbow guards
Ziek: yes
Ziek: chuck has
Ziek: all the safety gear
slip: yes
Ziek: and then there’s an episode where mike teaches chuck how to ride a bike
slip: nmike saved him from a kitten once
Ziek: yes
Ziek: oh god what if the burners did like
slip: it started a lifelong friendshipo
Ziek: group babysitting or something
slip: oh god
Ziek: I WANT THIS REALLY BADLY
Ziek: ALSO IN CANON
Ziek: i want an escort mission/battered babysitter episode
slip: yes
 slip: texas is surprisingly awesome with kids
Mikeweh: chuck seems to be really good with kids too
slip: yes
slip: and mike ofc
Mikeweh: 8Va it’d be interesting to see him lead a group of children??
Mikeweh: YEAH BUT MIKE IS LIKE
Mikeweh: GOOD WITH EVERYONE
slip: hahaha
Ziek: oh god what if
Ziek: flour baby project
Ziek: with middleschool burners
slip: oh my god
Ziek: julie and claire are really good moms
Ziek: mike and chuck fluctuate between being AWFUL and AMAZING
slip: hahaa
Ziek: dutch is just like constantly saving the baby from texas trying to turn it into a cake or punching bag
Ziek: ‘I AM NOT FAILING PSE BECAUSE OF YOUR SHIT’
slip: texas is like, what’s the problem IT’S JUST FLOUR
slip: I CAN PUNCH IT IT WON’T DIE
Ziek: ‘THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!’
Ziek: ‘I’m not letting you drop my gpa because you want to punch things!’
Ziek: mike and chuck in the meantime are like
Ziek: figuring out how to equip mike’s bmx for ultimate baby carrying experience
slip: oh no
Ziek: because they can’t just stick it in their backpacks??
slip: chuck makes a bjorn out of a bedsheet
Ziek: that’s child cruelty! she’ll suffocate!
slip: gives it to mike
Ziek: mike tries to do wheelies but his center of gravity is weird
Ziek: and he just barely saves the bag from impact by rolling onto his back
slip: chuck freaks out about mike doing wheelies with THEIR BABY
Ziek: it messes up his jacket so bad
slip: oh no
Ziek: and chuck is like
Ziek: ‘just. just let me take the baby.’
Ziek: mike: yeah ok ow
slip: and chuck protects that baby
slip: from all dangers
slip: with his life
Ziek: mike too
Ziek: although mike is like
Ziek: also trying to push their baby to the limit
slip: yeah
Ziek: ‘WE GOTTA BELIEVE SHE CAN BE ANYTHING SHE WANTS TO BE’
slip: gotta teach it how to realise its potential
Ziek: ‘yeah like.. a tray full of muffins.’
slip: ‘i’m not letting her become muffins!’
Ziek: ‘what happened to giving her the freedom of choice?? what if she WANTS to be muffins??’
Ziek: ‘she’s way too young to be making those kinds of decisions, chuck’
slip: hhhaaaaaaaa
Ziek: ‘oh, look who’s being a controlling parent now! stop muffin-shaming our daughter!’
slip: she sleeps at alternate houses at night
Ziek: they eventually decide it’s too stressful and just sleepover for the rest of the week
slip: and in the end jacob really does make her into muffins
slip: chuck cries as he eats all of them
Ziek: mike just stares at him in horror
Ziek: ‘you horrible hamster cannibal’
Ziek: ‘I’M SO-HO-HO-REEE.. BUT THEY JSUT… TASTE SO GOOD.’
slip: god
slip: mike doesn’t talk to him for like
slip: an hour
slip: it’s all very upsetting
Ziek: mike just
Ziek: doesn’t even look at him for the first 20 minutes
Ziek: he just goes and fixes his bike chain and ignores chuck’s whines and pleading
slip: chuck is devastated!
slip: his best friend mike noooo
Ziek: you’re tearing this family apart mike
slip: well chuck ate a third of the family so
Ziek: WELL. AT LEAST I’M NOT THE ONE WHO ATE IT.
slip: hhhhh
Ziek: chuck gets really upset and goes off to jacob and cries.
Ziek: and mike feels like shit
slip: jacob is like, boys, sort it out
slip: so mike hugs a sniffling chuck
Ziek: they say sorry
slip: and is like, at least she’ll be with you forever now
Ziek: ‘i’m sorry for calling you a cannibal’
Ziek: ‘i’m sorry i ate our baby’
Ziek: ‘friends?’
slip: ‘i’m sorry for eating mutt…’
Ziek: ‘friends’
slip: best friends
Ziek: ‘wanna play mariokart?’
slip: ‘…yeah’
Ziek: and then they play mariokart and forget the whole incident
Ziek: meanwhile dutch and texas are somewhere else trying to wash the flour explosion off the bathroom walls and out of dutch’s hair.
slip: oh gosh
slip: dutch has grey hair for days
Ziek: he looks like a ghost
slip: texas thinks it’s freaking hilarious
Ziek: he keeps call him old man dutch
Ziek: mike is like ‘dude what happened are you okay’
Ziek: and dutch just says in this
Ziek: really high strung whisper
Ziek: ‘he dropkicked the baby into the bathtub’
slip: ‘AND IT WAS AWESOME’
Ziek: ‘i hate you so much…………………………’
slip: ‘nu-uh, no-one hates texas. you love me’
slip: i bet dutch is really mature for his age.
Ziek: yes
slip: he seems like he’d be
Ziek: he’s also
Ziek: really tall
slip: quiet boy drawing and tinkering in a corner
slip: yeah
slip: texas is still tiny
Ziek: he’s a SQUIRT
slip: weh
Ziek: and mike is like a tiny canonball with mop hair and braces
slip: goshg
Ziek: chuck is a lanky lank
Ziek: and
slip: i can’t no
slip: this is too cute
Ziek: also got a growth spurt one summer
slip: chuck is 99% freckles
Ziek: when he was on vacation
Ziek: he got sun burnt and also shot up a foot
slip: and his ears are always pink
Ziek: and mike is like ‘wow what did they FEED you’
Ziek: yeeesss
slip: ‘i’m always hungry i can’t control it!’
slip: mike climbs on chuck’s shoulders to get over walls and stuff
slip: when they go exploring
Ziek: yes
Ziek: perfect
slip: and they build a treehouse
slip: all of them
Ziek: YES
slip: dutch supervises the engineering
Ziek: in mike’s grampa’s backyard
slip: yess
Ziek: (jacob is his grampa)
slip: jacob lends them a hand ofc
Ziek: yep
slip: oh gosh
Ziek: it’s really cool
slip: and they have secret passwords to get in
Ziek: yes
slip: and a rope ladder
Ziek: texas just shouts ‘TEXAS’ when they ask for the password
Ziek: and mike always lets him in regardless
slip: hahaha
Ziek: but julie and dutch are like ‘nope’
slip: hahaaa
Ziek: julie comes up with most of the passwords
slip: julie brings claire a lot
slip: even though claire is apprehensive about getting her clothes dirty etc
slip: (her parents are a bit strict)
Ziek: chuck gets really flustered
slip: omg yeah
Ziek: julie hangs out no matter what her parents say though
slip: aw yeah
Ziek: she’s perfected the art of fake body in bed
slip: haha
slip: the sheets-out-of-windows thing
Ziek: yes
slip: chuck still has a slingshot
Ziek: YEss
Ziek: mike just
Ziek: uses a big stick
slip: dutch has a terrier called roth
Ziek: AWWW
slip: hahhaa
Ziek: cute yes
slip: texas watches too much jackie chan
Ziek: he gets jacob to make him nunchucks out of scrap wood
slip: omg
Ziek: mike and texas practice a lot
slip: calls them gunchuks anyway
Ziek: and they end up with so many bruises
slip: they do
slip: but it’s the best
Ziek: yes he
Ziek: pretends they’re pistols
slip: julie is the best at hide and seek
Ziek: chuck and dutch just watch from the sidelines and are like ‘wow’
slip: and she’s really sneaky
slip: hahaha
Ziek: yes
Ziek: julie is
Ziek: a ninja child
slip: yes
Ziek: just shows up out of nowhere
slip: yep
slip: hi guys
Ziek: freaks the bajeesus out of the boys
slip: :>
slip: wow
Ziek: mike once asks her to help him with an escape
slip: the duke is a 15 year old from school
Ziek: so they can catch fireflies or something
slip: aww
Ziek: julie makes him a fake bed body too
slip: nice of her
Ziek: it’s a bunch of cardboard boxes
Ziek: with a mop
Ziek: they fall  asleep out in the field and then jacob tries to wake mike up in the morning
Ziek: and it’s like
Ziek: BOXES
Ziek: best visual gag
slip: hehe
slip: dutch has a little brother who tags along sometimes
slip: but he’s mostly too small to go on their awesome adventures
Mikeweh: omg children
slip: babiesssss
Ziek: can we
Ziek: make this a thing
slip: kid burners
Ziek: i want to post this log on tumblr
slip: it’s really long hahahaa
Ziek: and also actually write the flour baby fic
slip: you should post it
slip: and write that yess
Mikeweh: do it
slip: wow i want to draw burner kids now dfhg
Mikeweh: DO IT